


apprehensive alpha seeks sensible suggestions

by smokeczars



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (Or is it Mutual Pining? Hmm), Alpha Lee Jeno, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Attemps at Humor, Dirty Talk, Endgame Noren, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Jeno is a combo of awkward introvert and shy gentleman, Jeno is your quintessential Taurean, Knotting, M/M, Mark is just confused, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Huang Ren Jun, Pining, Renjun is not as innocent as he seems, Scenting, Sex Toys, reddit threads
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:22:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29754705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokeczars/pseuds/smokeczars
Summary: r/AskAnAlpha and r/OmeGuidance:↑ 1.2k · Posted by u/nojams · 2 years ago:best fabrics to assist o (m, 19) showing pre-heat symptoms? is tencel or rayon ok??↑ 1.3k · Posted by u/nojams · 1 year ago:to court or not to court??? o (m, 20) may just be really friendly…↑ 100 · Posted by u/nojams · 1 sec ago:the o i’m in love with (m, 21) is seeking a heat partner but i may be the 2nd option - HELP!!!or: In which Renjun needs a heat partner, Jeno will do anything and seek advice from anywhere to be theonlypossible option, and Mark's just vibing on the side, man, what the fuck.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 22
Kudos: 172





	apprehensive alpha seeks sensible suggestions

**Author's Note:**

> i have not written kpop rpf, much less abo kpop rpf, in so damn long so… eep. i figured i had to have some sort of repository for all the dirty jokes, nasty ass puns and alliterative turns of phrase constantly haunting my dreams haha. anyway, thanks for coming over and please enjoy! 
> 
> and yes, the abbreviated title is indeed AASSS. i am very mature.

There’s no getting around it. These days, being without a partner in a sea of couples—in every configuration—made Jeno feel like he was an extra on a terribly hackneyed rom-com they forgot to put in costume. 

Despite being a reasonably attractive alpha with an equally reasonable number of admirers, Jeno exists like the B-protagonist in his own life, the one dispensing go-getter advice and lending a supportive shoulder rather than the one with a zippy montage showcasing amazing character development in a few frames. Never mind being the one running headfirst into the rain, head of shiny hair coiffed in what is clearly meant to be a ‘do and clad in an impeccably tailored Burberry raincoat screaming _I love you, you mean everything to me!_ to an ethereally beautiful omega love interest.

Speaking of, he’s mired in one such dilemma right now with his own ethereally beautiful omega love interest, a certain Huang Renjun—one of his best friends, one-time classmate in freshman year, and the love of his short life. 

Except it’s less to do with screaming grandiose love declarations as mother nature exacted revenge in the background, and more to do with being the first one to—and he has to quote Jaemin here, because it’s so ridiculous he choked on his drink when he first heard it— _plant the seed of his veiny love tree right in Renjun’s sweet backyard._ If he wasn’t drinking his drink then, he would have been wearing it. 

The thing is: Jeno’s not content with being the first. He wants—no, needs—to the only one, forever. Maybe one day put a mating mark on Renjun’s neck, and have him put one on Jeno, too. What follows is anyone’s guess. Maybe a wedding ceremony, conjugal property, joint bank accounts and a shared insurance policy (hey, Jeno _is_ a Taurus who thinks in very practical terms, okay) and a life of bliss in a gated subdivision in Apgujeong. If he was extremely lucky, maybe even kids are in the cards. 

Jeno’s going to find a way to make that happen, come hell, high water, or Donghyuck’s truly infernal level of meddling. 

.

“And get this: I finally ordered an automatic jar opener online yesterday. Alphas and Betas and their one purpose officially cancelled!” Donghyuck’s voice—slightly grating to Jeno, but mostly musical in its warmth and familiarity—declares over the hee-haw of the door chime when Jeno opens it. 

Like a siren’s call, an alpha about to leave swivels his head to the sound of his voice, turning his nose up and blatantly sniffing the air like a wild hound dog in search of raw meat. 

“He’s taken,” Jeno says flatly, nose scrunching. He surmises that they too can smell peony, roses, and lychee—Donghyuck’s distinctive scent. As with all omegas, it becomes strong when he’s tittering and happy. Like now, surrounded by Jaemin and their motley group of friends. “You can back off, yeah?”

“Oh, sorry, dude. Didn’t mean anything by it! No need to get territorial,” the alpha says, holding his hands up in belated apology as he recognizes Jeno’s intimidating stance and narrowed eyes as classic alpha posturing. It's all hyper-masculine bullshit and Jeno hates doing it, but sometimes, growing into this alpha body, this hulking flesh prison of musky, sweaty bodily smells and embarrassingly long ruts is good for something. “We’re leaving, anyway. But just a friendly tip from one alpha to another: you might wanna tell your omega to wear some blockers when he’s outside like this. I heard the cream versions now are almost as good as the pills.” 

This guy has one too many _friendly tips_ for someone with this much unprecedented audacity. 

A muscle in Jeno’s cheek jumps as he grinds out, “It’s his choice. Besides, far be it from me to tell someone who’s not my omega—or any omega—what to do.”

“Uh, right.” The alpha takes the hint as he clears his throat, making a beeline for his friends who are already outside and way past Jeno’s kicking range. Damnit. “Good luck with that, then.” 

Honestly, Jeno doesn’t know how Donghyuck has put up with this over the years since his presentation. Rather, _is_ putting up with it. Everyone knows the daily trials and tribulations of being an omega very much exist in the present tense. It’s downright admirable how Donghyuck has turned into a strength what others on the more conservative side of the spectrum consider to be a weakness. Long before he and Jaemin decided to couple it up right in front of everyone’s figurative salads, Donghyuck held the record for most alpha, beta _and_ omega lays among them all in the span of one term. If Jeno thought that to be kind of amazing in theory, it truly was spectacular in execution—Jaemin’s many months of protracted pathetic pining notwithstanding. 

”Do you think he’d take me more seriously if I was born an alpha? I mean, I love being a beta. It’s just easier. No ruts, no problem. No offense.” He remembers Jaemin saying one night over too many bottles of soju, tension and misery in his hunched shoulders. “But maybe he really, really likes those knots. They look like they hurt, though I wouldn’t know the first thing about it. You know I’ve only ever been with other betas and omegas." 

Jeno can relate. As a young pre-teen on the cusp of presenting, he'd wished to be a beta, too. If only for the convenience.

"None taken. And..." No use hiding it from Jaemin. He knows Jeno's far from virginal at this point, had long ago popped his cherry, ripened his banana, and did whatever fruit-as-euphemism deed you could think of. "It did. Hurt, I mean. For some of them. I think I just didn't know what the hell I was supposed to be doing for the most part." 

Here's the kicker: is it a function of his relative inexperience or was he never really that attracted to them in the first place? It would explain a lot of things about his failed attempts at dating and relationships, the longest of which lasted for a grand total of three months.

"Hah, I knew it. Knots are overrated. Err, no offense." Jaemin hiccups. "Fuck, I might've already reached my 'no offense' quota for the night."

While 'no offense' is usually a prelude to the most offensive thing ever, Jeno knows Jaemin well enough to be assured that whatever he says at the moment is just a product of his current state.

"It's fine, Nana."

"... Jeno, could you maybe—“

“Oh, god. Please don’t tell me to show you my knot, it’s never gonna happen.” Jeno shudders, scooting away and bumping into the armrest. 

Jaemin is a good looking guy, the kind that deserved mecha-sized underwear billboards and glossy magazine catalogs, if collective opinion is anything to go by. But Jeno would have to drink himself to the grave before having Jaemin’s eyeballs on any of his bits. Perish the fucking thought.

Jaemin giggle-snorts then, holding his arms up like an overgrown baby. “I was gonna say could you please drag my ass to bed because I’m starting to get the mother of all migraines, but hey, it isn’t _my_ mind flying places tonight surprisingly.” 

Jeno sighs, standing up and heaving Jaemin along with him. “You’re lucky I actually like you, Nana. I’m thinking I must’ve hit my head as kid after I met you.” 

Jaemin sways on his feet. He slurs, “You know who’s actually lucky? Renjunnie. And he doesn’t even know it. That pretty motherfucker ain’t got a clue how bad you’ve had it for him. He must be half-blind at this point because there’s no other explanation.” He grins dopily up at Jeno, who winces at having his hopeless crush thrown at him like a pie to the face. “I gotta tell you, Nono, even through this dull beta nose, your scent flies out your wholeass self every single time he’s there. It’s instant air freshener, not gonna lie.”

Jeno drags him across the carpet little harder then, uncaring if Jaemin’s foot bumps on the doorway or on the nightstand. 

So Jeno thinks it would go on like that for a while, he and Jaemin wallowing in their shared experience of nurturing this unvarnished adulation for two omegas who happened to be as oblivious as they were beautiful; holding in their hearts this raw, sweet thing for their best friends. 

He’s proven plenty wrong after a horrifically dramatic confession which involved, in no particular order: an 80's-style boombox; cheerleaders; neon placards with missing and/or wrong letters (Jisung forgot to check the letter packs and so they were forced to hold up DONGHICK I LORD U in the stands); Jaemin’s non-existent ass twerking to a medley of Justin Bieber’s greatest hits; Donghyuck sobbing loudly into his hands out of sheer happiness; and Renjun looking at Jeno with a mixture of what-the-fuck-just-happened incredulity and unabashed relief, whispering in dulcet tones, “I’m so happy for them but god, the secondhand embarrassment of this entire thing is the dictionary definition of Way Too Much.” 

Jeno doesn’t have a lot going for him, but he has dignity. He refuses to go through any of that if he can help it. 

Flash forward to now, and Way Too Much has become Jaemin and Donghyuck’s brand. Judging by Donghyuck already half-sitting in Jaemin’s lap, they’re pretty on-brand today. 

“Babe, you don’t mean that,” Jaemin says, his baritone lilting in a slight whine that’s become a familiar Jaemin vocal trademark ever since he got together with Donghyuck a few months prior. And because this is Jaemin, the incoming superlatives are practically a foregone conclusion. “How else am I gonna prove my undying, everlasting, never-ending love and adoration for you if I have a jar opener doing the work that I’m supposed to be doing?” 

Jeno knows, having the absolute (mis)fortune of knowing Jaemin over the span of more than decade, that Jaemin is joking. Mostly. He can’t really tell these days, what with Jaemin always on the precipice of another grand declaration of love whenever he comes within a five-foot radius of Donghyuck. 

It’s a little sickening. But admittedly, Jeno chalks this exceedingly personal feeling up to currently weathering “the great love life recession,” as Jisung so succinctly put it. 

_Like the one in 2008 when the housing bubble collapsed, except instead of mortgage delinquencies and security devaluation, it’s your dating counter declining and reduced investment potential in your, um, alphan assets._

Jeno then decides to ignore Jisung’s blathering. For one, Jisung was barely sentient when the recession hit. Really, if this is what taking a semester’s worth of World Economics does to someone, Jeno would rather not, thank you very much. 

“How else?” It’s Chenle this time continuing the thread of conversation, and Jeno hears the smirk before he even approaches. 

Chenle is cute and has the face of a guileless beta. He also has the kind of all-knowing aura that would unsettle even a serial killer. It certainly unsettles Jeno sometimes, who is utterly clueless about how many details Chenle is actually equipped with, and whether those details might spur him on to causing everyone’s early deaths via at best, teasing, and at worst, locking them into a room with any of their potential mates, hiding the key somewhere only the devil can find it, and calling it a day. 

“Where Jaemin-hyung is best at, of course—“

“My amazing cooking? I know that’s basically one of the two reasons Jeno still comes home to the apartment on a daily basis. No guesses for the other one. Hint: it has to do with internet strangers,” Jaemin ventures a guess and tacks on an unsubtle swipe at Jeno's reddit obsession for the hell of it, putting on that well-practiced grin that’s purposely a little greasy on the edges, the one that used to make Jeno squirm until he becomes secure in the knowledge that the smile is never directed at him. “My superior dancing? Or, mayhaps, my god-tier skills in the b—“

Jeno takes pity on Jaemin's unwitting audience and finally decides to make his presence known. He strides over to their usual table in easy steps. 

“Hey guys, sorry I'm late. Prof was brutal,” Jeno says by way of greeting, smiling as the rest of them straighten their backs and tilt their heads to return his hello. 

Now that he’s closer, he notes only five heads hemming and hawing over a humungous bowl of cheese fries. The not-so-unusual absence of Mark is to be expected. Now in his graduating term, the only other alpha apart from himself and Jisung in their little group is knee-deep in requirements, looking and sounding so tired these days that Jeno almost feels sorry for him. 

Almost being the key word. 

He likes Mark, he really does. Honest. Cross his heart, may god strike him down with lightning honesty. It’s hard not to like Mark, who is so painfully, unbearably earnest. The perfect alpha friend who doesn’t have second thoughts of putting himself out on a limb for any one his friends. And yes, that includes Jeno.

It also includes Renjun—who used to harbor some kind of torch for Mark when they were freshmen up to the early years of sophomore term when Mark was a TA in their Literature general elective. 

Jeno unwittingly learns this after a single ill-advised round of Truth or Dare in one of their low-key house parties-slash-drinking sessions where Renjun shyly admits to having had a crush on Mark while a fetching shade of pink blooms across his cheeks. It almost matches Renjun’s hair at the time, a cheery shade of soft pepto-bismol pink that has Jeno’s nails digging into his palms in the struggle not to run his hands through it. If the confession hadn’t been said, Jeno might’ve thought it to be a moment for the memory books.

Well, technically, it still is. Just not for the greatest reasons. 

“You’re easy to like,” Renjun says back then to the sound of the entire group minus Jeno cajoling him, ducking his head. “I won’t be surprised if at least half the freshman class liked you. You were popular. It’s not hard to see why.” 

“Markie is still popular,” Donghyuck comments, sounding oddly proud. 

It mystifies Jeno how Mark and Donghyuck manage to make their years-long platonic friendship work. Alphas and Omegas in this much close geographic and tactile proximity for an extended period almost always got together. They embodied the quintessential childhood playground buddies-to-college friends trope, with Donghyuck following Mark to the same University after being neighbors and family friends since elementary grade. 

Then again, that’s almost like saying he and Jaemin were meant to be. Nope. Just—nope. 

“That’s… actually one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard.” Mark says, eyes wide and all smiles. 

They’re pulled into a cloud of Mark’s and Renjun’s scents, baby powder, bergamot, and fresh mint mixing with jasmine, sage, and grapefruit. The unexpected combination smells like an aggressively comforting bear hug, which is so utterly appropriate to Mark and Renjun as individuals. Jisung and Donghyuck even comment on it. 

Jeno, meanwhile, is sucker-punched. Renjun is on scent blocking pills, so his scent is normally dulled. His scent being strong enough to come out could be any of three things: one, either his medication is failing him (unlikely); two, he's nearing heat and is showing pre-heat symptoms (also unlikely - Renjun had just come from his heat schedule a week ago at this point); or three, he's feeling irrevocably happy. Coupled with the alcohol he's ingested over the course of three hours, it's enough to override the blockers even for a moment. 

What feels like thorns sprout in Jeno's lungs. 

“I’m flattered, Injunnie. Anyone would be lucky to have you,” Mark continues, almost cooing. His eyes go soft.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor below cheap Xiaomi LED lights, Mark’s face is cut from shadow. All sharp angles and chiseled cheekbones carved from stone.

Mark can take anyone’s breath away.

Jeno realizes with a start that he doesn’t get this way with any of them. On any given day, Mark speaks in neutral but sure tones. Jockish friendliness and bro-ey broishness for Jeno and Jaemin. Resigned weariness and abject fondness for Donghyuck. Big brother steering his foolhardy younger siblings onto the right path for Chenle and Jisung. Out of all of them, he reserves that murmuring tenderness for Renjun only, delicate as if he’s speaking to Renjun through paper cups.

“I’m gonna grab some air,” Jeno blurts out, defying their perfectly ordered universe where Mark and Renjun are on the edge of almost-coupledom right before his very eyes. He jumps to his feet.

Jeno’s scent begins to take on that sort of mild burning quality, an obvious sign of either discomfort or displeasure. Jaemin flicks him a worried glance. 

Renjun senses it too, the way he blinks in quick succession up at Jeno. If Mark is stone, then Renjun is haze, his eyes fever-bright like tiny stars flickering in and out under artfully tousled bangs. He has this way of looking at Jeno like he sees right through him. As if he’s aware that he features heavily in both Jeno’s escapist daydreams and late night fantasies.

Jeno looks away. 

“Ah, you’re nearing your rut, Jen?” 

In Jeno’s case, his ruts could be unpredictable. But he knows himself well enough to sense that he’s far from it. 

“Yeah, I think so,” is what he says. “Sorry, Junnie. It’s getting a bit overwhelming.” 

Mark stands up too, clasping a hand on Jeno’s shoulder. He’s such a good guy that Jeno kind of can’t stand to have him this close right now. “Let us know if you need anything, okay?”

Of course Mark has to go prove Jeno's point every damn time. The perfect alpha friend. The perfect alpha partner and mate. 

Jeno’s pulled back to the present when he notices Renjun’s absence from the table as well. 

“So it’s just us today,” Jeno says matter-of-factly, surveying the table once he sits down beside Jisung and across from Jaemin. By now he's memorized Renjun’s schedule. It isn’t like him to miss their weekly group lunch at their favorite cafe. He’d usually let them know in the group chat if he couldn’t make it. “Mark and Injun still in class or extracurriculars?” 

Donghyuck clicks his tongue. He opens with: “Mark’s at the registrar taking care of some pre-grad paperwork.” He pauses, as if hesitating on what to say next. 

Jeno raises both eyebrows, urging him to go on.

Donghyuck sighs, taking a heaping forkful of fries before speaking. “Renjun’s sick. Again.”

Jeno’s pulse quickens in alarm. “How sick this time?”

“He…” Donghyuck trails off, suddenly looking uncharacteristically serious. Jaemin rubs his at his bicep. Jeno looks over both of them, expectant. “Okay, what I’m about to tell you guys should be kept in confidence. Absolute goddamn confidence, okay?” 

Jeno snorts. “It’s not like we hang out with anyone else anyway.” 

Chenle, their resident social butterfly (okay, everyone is social butterfly compared to Jeno), throws him a vaguely affronted look. “Speak for yourself, hyung. I happen to have Glee Club and the Chinese Students Society, which by the way, Hyuckie-hyung and Renjun-ge are with me in one or both of those. Jaemin-hyung and Jisungie have Photography Enthusiasts and Dance Team, respectively. And Mark-hyung has Student Government.” 

“I have AV Club. And uh, I- I mean—” Jeno flounders for something more in-your-face to say. “And I go to the gym three times a week!”

Well, there goes the opportunity for a comeback. 

Jisung laughs, the absolute nerve. “Hyung, we all know AV Club is just a thinly veiled facade for Doyoung-hyung and Jaehyun-hyung to make out to whatever 90’s romantic classic is on Netflix for the week.”

“Come on, hyung, the gym? So you’ve bonded with Johnny-hyung over your mutual unrequited love for short, feisty, dense people?” Chenle savagely adds, not even giving room for Jeno to breathe, damn. 

Jeno purses his lips. His introverted tendencies aren't supposed to be the hot-seat topic of the day. “Can we get back to the matter at hand, guys? Hyuck. What’s wrong this time?”

Chenle turns to Donghyuck, mustering the most sincere expression Jeno’s ever seen, which if you knew Chenle is kind of a minor miracle in itself. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with his pills, right?”

The question is greeted with sullen silence.

Ever since Jeno’s known Renjun, he’s been on all manner of pills: one for heat and slick suppression, another for birth control, and another for scent blocking, a byproduct of a childhood spent in the grip of traditional parents. His parents believed it best to have him off the pills only upon betrothal once he was, quote-unquote, ripe for an alpha’s taking and ready to bear them a small village’s worth of grandchildren. 

Renjun, being an unfailingly filial omega son, hadn’t refused, had been on the pills since he presented at fifteen. Jesus. 

Donghyuck, as his roommate, best friend, and fellow omega, had been—and still is—incandescent with rage at Renjun being made to suffer what he views as an indignity on an omega’s true potential. _Omegas need to have heats, omegas are made to slick, or else you’re closer to a vegetable than a person,_ Donghyuck had angrily said once. 

Not to mention the ill effects the pills had on Renjun’s overall health. Renjun could not do touch sports as he bruised easily. Every two months when he was supposed to have his heat, he experienced pre-heat symptoms that never reach its natural resolution, so his body instead compensates with nausea, pains and cramps. He generally had a weaker constitution than the rest of them when it came to seasonal sickness like allergies and the flu. Where it would take someone like, say, Donghyuck, around three days to recover, it would take Renjun close to a week, sometimes even more. 

How Renjun managed to stay on top of his classes despite missing them for days at a time remains a minor mystery to everyone, akin to the Bermuda Triangle and the existence of Chupacabras—which, coincidentally, Renjun believed in. 

It’s this and more that has Jeno admiring Renjun for reasons that don’t involve the other’s pretty face or slim figure. Even with the aches and pains wracking his body every so often, Renjun remains forthright and blunt, persistent and determined, bulldozing obstacles which would’ve brought any one of them down to their knees. He’s the prime example of the well-worn platitude of _nothing can bring a good omega down_. 

“Actually, it has everything to do with those fucking pills,” Donghyuck snaps, a dark look crossing over his face. He gets off Jaemin’s lap as the air around them begins to sour; Jaemin wraps a comforting arm around his shoulders, thumb splaying against the jut of Donghyuck’s collarbone as he tries to shrug off his foul mood. 

Just as quickly as it comes, Donghyuck’s fury melts under Jaemin’s touch. 

He continues softly, “I went with him to the specialist last weekend. He’d already been having cramps then even if his heat schedule’s a month away. I mean, it’s always been bad but it’s never been _this_ bad. We all know his pain tolerance is pretty high, he usually just grins through the pain… but this time he was practically curled up on the floor crying his eyes out. He’s never done that before.”

“Shit.” Jeno can’t take the suspense. “And then?”

Donghyuck sighs heavily. “He needs to have an uninterrupted heat this time around.”

“That means?” Jisung gives voice to the question on Jeno’s mind. 

“In short, he needs to get off the pills ASAP and have a normal heat cycle.”

“Like, with slick and nesting all that jazz?” Chenle asks.

“And all that jazz,” Donghyuck replies wryly. “Since he’s single and unmated, he needs a heat partner, too. An alpha one.”

Jeno’s heart drops to his stomach like lead. He dredges up his middle-school health class knowledge. “But—wouldn’t toys be—?”

“Yeah, you’re not wrong. In most cases, toys usually do the trick. We don’t need to be knotted during heats, right?” 

Everyone nods. It’s what allowed omegas to be with betas and other omegas, too. After all, neither secondary gender knotted. Strictly speaking, omegas could be satisfied during their heats without alphas. 

“But Renjun’s hormones have been all messed up from years of taking the pills. He needs to sufficiently ‘trick’ his body into thinking there’s a real knot. And believe me, the ones on the market aren’t good enough to mimic the knot, or else you’d be seeing a lot more single omegas in legally binding marriage pacts with their knot vibrators.”

Silence overtakes them again after Donghyuck’s weak attempt at a joke. 

“What’ll happen if hyung doesn’t get a heat partner?” asks Jisung. 

Donghyuck’s voice goes low and grim. “His body might eventually…” He swallows with apparent difficulty. “Give up wanting a knot and just… give up altogether. He’s literally at risk for a _very serious_ disease at twenty-one. How messed up is that?” 

“Well, fuck.” 

It’s a testament to their friendship how Jaemin manages to encapsulate exactly what Jeno’s thinking in just two words. 

“I think the solution is pretty clear-cut,” Chenle says seriously. When they all turn to him, he rolls his eyes heavenward. “I’m not an omega but it’s obviously a fuck someone or life fucks you sitch. So Renjun-ge needs to get over his weird aversion to hook-ups and just get an alpha for his heat.” 

“Uh,” Jeno stutters, with a sort of desperate hope that maybe if he closes his eyes, this all won’t be happening and Chenle won’t be proposing something so brazen. 

“I know! Don’t you think I’ve said that to his face?” Donghyuck throws his hands up in the air, comically frustrated. It would be funny if it isn’t for the fact that Jeno would love nothing more than to wring Donghyuck’s neck for even suggesting something like that to Renjun himself. 

“And what did he say to that?” Jeno ventures quietly, though his lips are now set in a thin line. 

“Ugh. You guys know how Junnie is. He’s not the type to go on the dating app meat-market. He’d rather take his sweet time making sure there’s a _natural spark_ and _organic chemistry_ and whatever else, like a freaking laundry list of college science electives.” Donghyuck runs a hand through his hair as if pained, all traces of his earlier rage at Renjun’s pills gone and ire now directed to Renjun’s apparent lack of game. “And to that I say: what about the mathematics of it, huh? It’s all a numbers game! Look at it this way. If you don’t buy the chocolate bar—meaning, try someone, anyone out—you lose even the chance of winning a golden ticket to the Willy Wonka chocolate empire—meaning, lose out on potentially mind-blowing sex and maybe even an equally mind-blowing future mate.”

“Willy Wonka and mind-blowing sex are two totally different things I didn’t need to think about in tandem, but thanks for the image, hyung.” Jisung makes a face, not at all enthused about Donghyuck’s impassioned rant. Jeno totally agrees. Maybe he just might give Jisung’s blathering a chance, after all.

Jaemin’s expression skews towards Jeno. They lock eyes. Jaemin’s smile turns mischievous. 

_Oh, no. No no no no,_ Jeno pleads. But when Jaemin sets his mind onto something, say, an opportunity to mastermind Jeno's love life, he steamrolls right ahead with zero regard to the latter's peace of mind. 

“A corollary to Chenle’s proposal,” Jaemin says. Jeno can already feel a headache coming on. “Renjunnie could ask one of his alpha friends to be his heat partner.” 

“There’s not a lot. But…” Donghyuck latches on to the thought, scratching his chin in contemplation. “There’s Mark’s roommate, Wong Yukhei from Architecture. Nakamoto Yuta from Engineering, but oh, he’s already with Sicheng from our Glee Club. Maybe Yangyang from Linguistics… isn’t he in the CSS with you, Chenle?” 

Jeno stares. Where the hell is Donghyuck pulling these names up from and how is it that he has no idea Renjun was friends with this many alphas? 

“Babe, I was thinking more along the lines of our innermost circle.” Jaemin beams winningly over at Jeno, winking none too discreetly. God help Jeno. “That way, Renjunnie’s already used to their scents, so they’d be past the initial scenting awkwardness and probable incompatibility.”

“Okay…” Donghyuck says with put-upon skepticism. “Interesting. Go on, love.”

“And friends already have natural chemistry with each other,” Jaemin concludes with a flourish. His gaze slides over to Jeno once more, totally ignoring Jeno’s sad attempt at telepathic messaging. “You know who’d be perfect?”

“Oh, my god! Mark-hyung!” Chenle screams, startling nearby patrons.

Jeno tenses, back going rigid. Even if he knows that Chenle (and everyone, plus their mothers, grandmothers, maybe even dead ancestors) is aware of his gigantic crush on Renjun, it still stings to have him say Mark's name as the first option.

Jaemin usually has a sixth sense for Jeno’s anxiety and instinctively gives him space the second things get dicey. 

Jaemin must be feeling brave today. He marches head-on instead of retreating. “Right, right. Mark-hyung.” He grins shrewdly at Jeno, almost like a challenge.

Jeno grits his teeth and stays quiet. He won’t suggest himself, that’s way too self-serving. He’s been taught right by his parents. He wants Renjun to make the choice for himself.

“Mark would be great,” Donghyuck readily agrees with a Cheshire grin. Okay, maybe Renjun does need an extra push to pick him over Mark. “He would treat Renjunnie right and all. They’d be amazing together.” 

Just before Jeno gives in to the temptation to throw his name into the ring (Jeno is a weak man), Jisung interjects, saving him from a sleepless night filled with self-flagellating guilt and woe-is-me thoughts. 

“Oh, wouldn’t Jeno-hyung be good, too?" 

Jisung's innocent grin doesn't fool Jeno. They must be all in on this, taking twisted delight in Jeno's suffering when he just wants Renjun to be the one to move forward. God knows Renjun must have had enough of asshole alphas wanting to get into his pants at every turn. Jeno wants to yell _I trusted you, Jisungie!_ like a wronged lead in a movie where his blood brother betrays him with a stab to the front. 

"You and Mark-hyung are the only two single alphas in our circle. You’ve both known Renjun-hyung almost the same amount of time. He’s used to both your scents. Although...” Jisung pauses for dramatic effect. “He did have that crush on Mark-hyung before.”

“Who says it’s already in the past tense?” Donghyuck retorts. His honey eyes, usually warm and playful, turn sharp and glinting as he catches Jeno’s eye. “You never get over your first love that easily.” 

.

In conversation, most people would describe apps like Twitter and Facebook using terms otherwise reserved for drugs and slot machines. Twitter’s like playing an eternal game of Baccarat. Posting on Facebook is addictive, like snorting crack cocaine or molly on your tongue, only it slowly manifests as a compulsive habit instead of quickly traveling into your bloodstream.

These categories tend towards extremes, failing to encompass the full range of banal experiences most normal people had. Like getting mildly sucked into Reddit threads and asking for advice from strangers on the internet at ungodly hours. 

That night after their cafe lunch, with Jaemin away at some sort of dance club-cum-dive bar with Donghyuck and Renjun replying to his litany of worried iMessages with an _i’m fine, jen! i promise :) see you on mondayyy_ text, several reassuring smiley emojis included, Jeno surveys his reddit profile, his comment and post history. His latest comments are already dated three weeks ago. 

Jeno’s latest forays into r/AskAnAlpha and r/OmeGuidance have so far yielded fruitful results and grateful replies. See, he's never been given reason to doubt the kindness of internet strangers. Sometimes they’re just as hopelessly clueless, which endears Jeno more than anything. More often than not, it’s a veritable wellspring of wisdom and common sense advice that, well, makes a whole lot of sense. 

People on the internet can be _really_ smart sometimes. And in turn, Jeno also tries his best to come to their aid, too. Earth signs just have that instinct to help. 

Case in point being his comments. They're usually short and sweet, grounded yet cautiously optimistic. It's not unlike what he'd say in real life.

r/AskAnAlpha

 **[DISCUSSION] Is it okay to expect your O to treat you as his or her “priority”?** submitted 3 weeks ago by AcquaDiAlpha  
**1.2k Comments share report**

Comment by: **nojams**  
_No. Honestly speaking, that sounds ridiculous. Why would you want to date someone whose life is so small it revolves around only you? Were we born in the 30’s? Omegas are independent and can make their own way in life. As Alphas, it’s imperative that we treat them as people with autonomy and agency. ___

____

r/OmeGuidance

 **[DISCUSSION] I’m an O (m, 23) sleeping with an A (m, 24) that looks like a product of a regretful ONS between Baphomet and Picasso and I think I’m starting to like him because HE SMELLS SO GOOD???** submitted 3 weeks ago by trashfacelover  
**3.0k Comments share report**

Comment by: **nojams**  
_Wow, the feedback on his face is pretty harsh! He looks… serviceable! Age-appropriate (OP said you were 23)? But anyway, I say give him a chance! You might like what else he has to offer apart from the amazing scent :D His inner beauty might shine more than his outer uhhh pleasantness, just saying :D_

Jeno thinks about his next step for around a minute. 

With quiet resolve, he cracks his knuckles, puts on his glasses, and begins to type up a post.

r/AskAnAlpha

 **[DISCUSSION] The O I’m in love with (m, 21) is seeking a heat partner but I may be the 2nd option - HELP!!!** submitted 1 second ago by nojams  
**0 Comments share report**

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to yell at me in the comments or on [twt](https://twitter.com/generalchenle)! updates will be weekly at the MOST but my goal is to finish this as quickly as possible lol /crosses fingers
> 
> also, i realize that not a lot of people feel comfortable commenting on ao3 so... maybe i should get a cc ahaha


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